I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
