If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
