Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
