So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
