I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
