i was born a porn star she said
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
