I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
