3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was CRYING into my vagina
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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