Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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