The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
