When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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