I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
