Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
