just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
