let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
