Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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