i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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