god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
