tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
