The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Congratulations! We have a period
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