i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
