my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
