I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
