Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How external is "for external use only"?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
