I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
