Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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