Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize