This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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