the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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