left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
