I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
