If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
