there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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