yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think people are normalizing furries
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
