There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
