Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
