someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
