Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
