I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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