Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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