I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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