About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
