I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
