You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
