I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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