I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
