This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
