dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
