using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
