When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
