I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
