having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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