All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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