I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
