She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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