Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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