Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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