You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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