i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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