you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
