I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
