No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
NoShamevember. You game?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
