the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
