(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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