we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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