I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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