i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
