I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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