how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
