wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
