THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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