I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
