you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
