I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
